Confessions on a Deathbed
by Reona
Summary: When Uther lies on his deathbed, a few truths come to light.


As summer waned toward autumn so did Uther Pendragon's strength seep from his body. It happened so slowly, was hidden by Uther so carefully, that none noticed until the King collapsed in the Hall during a harvest feast. He was taken to his bed and the court physician was called. The days ebbed toward winter and the sun faded from the sky. Gaius had done all he could but Uther only continued to become more grey, as if he were fading out of sight. He lost weight, as the sick often do. The Court members high enough in rank to warrant a visit to the royal bed chambers implored their King to eat and to take the medicines Gaius offered. Even Arthur muttered to his Father to please not be stubborn. But, for all their pleading and care, Uther's appetite disappeared and his body failed. Soon he forbid the visitors from Court and tried to banish his son and ward from the room, not that Arthur and Morgana listened. By the time the first snow fell gently from the cold night sky, the kingdom knew that Uther Pendragon was dying.

Merlin knew it was snowing, could feel the icy flakes fall from the sky to kiss the ground outside. The fire in Uther's room was roaring and candles were lit around the chamber. The light danced across the bed where Uther lay. In a chair beside the bed was Arthur and sitting on the edge of the bed was Morgana. Both of the younger people were whispering to the old King, even as Uther breathed slowly and watched them through lowered lids. Gaius was puttering around a table in front of the fireplace. Merlin sat quietly in the corner, blue eyes sharp on the occupants of the room but keeping himself separate.

Time had changed things, more than just Uther's declining health. Arthur was older. Merlin was older. Sometimes they were even wiser. Merlin was a servant in only name now. The dark haired man had become stronger and now guided the business of Arthur's household with a deft hand. It was his words of caution and encouragement that bent Arthur's ear and controlled his heart. It was Merlin who shared much more with Arthur than anyone else in Camelot.

Merlin shifted a bit in the chair and glanced into the far corner. A particular shadow had gathered there that night. A shadow Merlin was used to seeing by now. Uther Pendragon was going to die and there was nothing Merlin could do to stop it. This was not caused by magic, but by nature and the failing of a human body. Magic would exact a heavy price if Merlin tried to save Uther now. In the morning, Camelot would have a new King.

The soft call of his name from the bed startled Merlin as much as the others in the room and for a moment Merlin thought he might not answer. But Uther was owed some respect from Merlin and the young man stood from his chair. He took Morgana's spot on the edge of the bed and sat calmly while the elderly King looked at him. How things had changed, that Merlin did not wince under his gaze anymore. Finally, after long moments, Uther uttered a single word; "Sorcerer."

The other three people in the room gasped. "No, Father," argued Arthur, fearing that Uther might issue on last devastating order. "Merlin isn't a sorcerer. He…"

Merlin raised a calm hand and Arthur stopped speaking. "It's alright, Arthur. You're Father has known for some time that I'm a magic user." Merlin didn't feel the flash of fear and horror he often thought he would when he imagined Uther speaking that word to him. Merlin had realized long ago that Uther couldn't hurt him, that he never could have hurt him.

"How, Merlin?" asked Gaius.

Merlin smiled softly at Arthur. "Remember what you said to me when you confronted me about my magic? You said you were 'not that stupid.' Well, neither is your Father. He figured it out a long time ago." Merlin looked down at the ailing man on the bed and offered a tiny smile. "I suspect he's figured many things out."

Uther nodded tiredly against his pillow and then moved one hand to latch weakly onto Merlin's right. He tapped and pointed at the silver ring Merlin wore on his forefinger. A gift from Arthur after their first year together. "You were…sometimes… less than discreet," muttered Uther. Merlin remembered the heart stopping moment when he had looked up over Arthur's shoulder while they were kissing in a secluded corridor and seen Uther standing at the other end. Merlin often wondered what had made the King turn and walk silently away all those years ago.

"You never said anything," said Arthur in astonishment. "You never did anything!" He reached forward and slid his fingers through Merlin's, pressing their palms together. "Why?"

A few emotions flashed across Uther's face and Merlin gave a slight shake of his head. "Tell your son you love him, Uther, while you still have the chance," ordered the sorcerer. "Death is too late to have regrets over our hearts." He rubbed Arthur's knuckles against his cheek and then released the blonde's hand. Merlin stood and moved around the end of the bed, drifting a hand up the bottom post and allowing Morgana to sit on the bed again.

"Arthur, I…I know I've never seemed to be…" Uther stopped to clear his throat. "I could see…with you and Merlin...I was once in love as well, long ago, and I couldn't just…" Frustration and anger clouded the King's face and Arthur leaned forward.

"It's alright, Father. I understand," muttered the prince.

"You were so unhappy before that boy came," blurted Uther, the words shooting from colorless lips. Arthur and Morgana blinked down at him. Even Merlin drifted his gaze away from the shadow in the corner to look in surprise at Uther. "You changed so much after he came. You changed so much because he came?" Uther turned a questioning look toward Merlin and the sorcerer let his gaze go vague and distant. The older man shifted on the bed in discomfort, a breath rattling in his chest. "When I realized that… When I realized that you were with Merlin… I feared what you might do if I tried to enforce the laws on magic." Uther's speech was getting breathless with the long string of words.

Arthur opened and closed his mouth. Any reassurances from him would have been false. Even Arthur sometimes feared what he would have done if Uther had tried to have Merlin executed. "All I have ever done with my magic is protect and help Arthur," muttered Merlin.

"I know," whispered Uther. He closed his eyes and just breathed for some endless minutes.

"Father?" asked Arthur, leaning forward to touch the blanket.

"Gaius, isn't there anything you can do to ease his breathing?" implored Morgana, her voice worried.

Merlin stepped back into the shadows as Gaius went to the side of the bed. The sorcerer knew that Uther's lungs were filling with liquid. Soon, the old King's heart would stop its struggle and cease beating. There was little Gaius could do at this point. The physician lifted Uther's head and had him drink some cool tea. "Your majesty," murmured Gaius. "Drink this."

Uther coughed. "Ack, leave me be," he complained. "Get your infernal drink away from me. It is foul tasting." King and physician glared at each other. It was the type of expression that ease of long familiarity bred.

"Gaius means well, Uther, and they may do you some good," pleaded Morgana. Merlin knew this was not true but remained silent, returning to his chair in the corner. He fidgeted with a loose silver thread on his dark blue tunic and watched as the group by the bed spoke softly to each other. How odd and wonderful that this moment would wash away all sins. Uther's approaching death narrowed the world and left out the cold memories of anger and sadness. Now, it was merely a father with his two children. A son he had given a terrible price for and a daughter not by his blood. Merlin allowed them the comfort of selective memory, even as he still felt the sticky residue of spilt blood across the kingdom. He wasn't cruel enough to do otherwise.

It was hours later that he knew the moment of Uther's death was approaching by the agitated shifting of the shadow in the corner. He stood and went to the bottom of the bed, standing by the post again. His movement caused the King to look at him and Uther chuckled. "Soon, is it?" A cough and a wheeze followed. Merlin kept all emotion from his face, merely inclining his head.

Arthur impulsively grabbed his Father's hand. "Merlin, isn't there something you…" The prince appeared to bite his tongue just in time, wetness swimming in his eyes as Merlin stared at him.

"Don't," whispered Uther. He shook his head weakly against the pillow. Arthur lowered his gaze.

"We all know the price for saving a life with magic," muttered Morgana. The lady bowed her head, hiding her face behind a curtain of dark hair.

Uther's breathing grew shorter and Merlin watched the shadow move from its corner and creep toward the bed. Uther suddenly flung up his free hand, cupping it over Arthur's hand holding his. The King struggled to raise his head enough to look his son in the eye. "I have always been proud of you and I do love you." The words were said fiercely, as if Uther was afraid they'd been stolen before he could say them. The sorcerer almost didn't want to see this, to watch the once powerful man laid low. Merlin closed his eyes at the shock on Arthur's face.

"Father, I've always known that," choked Arthur.

Uther's watery eyes turned toward Morgana and raised his hand toward her. She caught it in both of hers, leaning forward to hear the soft words he spoke; "Both of you." Morgana nodded, tears spilling over her cheeks. Uther seemed to deflate back onto the bed, his strength leaving him. "You'll make a good King, Arthur," muttered Uther, almost too softly to hear. "Fix what I did wrong. Set it all right. Be better than me." Arthur and Morgana watched as Uther's eyes drooped and his breath got slower. Finally, the next intake of air did not come.

"Father?" pleaded Arthur.

Morgana shook the hand she held, hoping to get a response. "Gaius, I don't think he's breathing!" Gaius stepped forward at her call, leaning over Uther on the bed.

Merlin forced himself to not react as the shadow swooped over the bed and then whirled up into the canopy curtains. To his eyes, the room seemed to brighten as the shadow disappeared, a single point of light caught within its folds. All men were equal in death and all men in death appeared as points of light to the sorcerer. "Gaius," muttered Merlin. The old physician looked up and Merlin merely shook his head. Sadness welled in Gaius' eyes but he stepped back from the bed all the same.

Tears finally fell from Arthur's eyes. "Oh Father," he moaned softly. Merlin walked to the chair and wrapped an arm around the hunched shoulders.

"Gaius, would you bring Gwen in from the hall?" muttered Merlin. Gaius crossed the room and stuck his head out into the corridor. A moment later Gwen came flying in, heading straight for the weeping Morgana. Merlin slipped between the bed and the chair, putting his hands on Arthur's wet cheeks. "I'm sorry for you loss. I'm sorry there was nothing I could do to help Uther." Gwen got Morgana up off the bed and to a couch, wrapping her arms around the shoulders of the other woman. Gaius retreated to the chair Merlin had been sitting in, rubbing at his face tiredly. Merlin pressed a kiss to Arthur's forehead. "I'm so sorry," he whispered again.

Arthur wound his arms around Merlin's chest and the sorcerer allowed the soon-to-be King to pull him close. "He was still my Father," muttered Arthur with a soft sob. Merlin nodded, stroking over the bright blond hair. For all Uther's sins and failures, he was the only parent Arthur had ever known and his death was still painful. Merlin shed no tears but he comforted Arthur as he cried his.

Soon, dawn would come and the sun would rise. The announcement of Uther's death would have to be made to the kingdom. The sorcerer did not know who outside this room would truly morn Uther's passing but he knew many would rejoice with Arthur becoming King. There were many things to do and Merlin felt the weight of the future settle on his mind. The road ahead of them was going to be long and hard, the tasks difficult. But tonight would be just for them, for the man and woman who had lost a family member. Tomorrow was soon enough for their destiny to begin.


End file.
